E Luv: Gotta knock these calls out.  Headset, check.  Computer booted up, check.  Sequencer on ready.  Just another day at work.  Well, let's see what happens.


Verse 1 - E Luv
I despise phones and I like people even less
The majority of my working career was spent in call center environments
Which, to me, makes no motherfu--in' sense
Not sure why I chose the pursuit of sales as my life's quest
I'm not gonna lie, the money was nice - the shi- was tight
But the things I had to do to get it kept me from sleepin' at night
Or at least rest comfortably - job just wouldn't let a motherfu--er be
Take one vacation day a month and issues still seem to follow me

Follow me home like a dog - they dog me about 15% growth
Worst than compounding interest - it never ends, they always want more
Never really given me what I need - I complain, sweat, and bleed
They're another punk as- employer and I'm just a bitc- as- employee
Not expecting you to give a shi-, understand, or care
Because the same bullshi- I put up wit' probably exists everywhere
My mind is wanderin' - cause that ain't the point of the song
Work sucks, that's why they call it work, so I'll move right along


Scene 1 - E Luv, GMNT
E Luv: Hello, may I please speak to - I'm sorry, I-I can't pronounce your name. 
GMNT: Jeez, it's Majewski....
E Luv: Thanks, Mr. Majewski.  My name is E Luv and I'm calling on behalf of Def Mute Records.  Can I please have five minutes of your time to -
GMNT: Are you a salesperson?


Verse 2 - E Luv
Look mister customer, you are fu--ing stupid
Would you rather I be out sellin' dope to your fu--ing kids
This is just a gig - an honest way to make a livin'
And it's hard a fu--in' nuff without all your got da-n bullshi--in'
But I don't say that, keep it professional - oh so wanted to though
I play it humble and damage my eardrum as he slams down the phone
98% of the time I get that treatment - I'm stressed
Self-motivated, I need that 2% - I live for the "yes"

They think I'm trying to get all intimate like when you're takin' a shi-
Then act all standoffish like being in a public stall taking a piss
Not an enemy/don't want to be a friend - it's about mutual respect
A J-O-B simply equals a means to makin' some ends
Make them ends meet - contribute to this global economy
You're no different than me - why hate if I'm doin' my hustle legally
One job is as good as the next - so I'm on to the next call
Fu-- that motherfu--er - ninety-nine more calls to go


Scene 2 - Earl Solow, E Luv
Earl Solow: Got da-n phone.  Can't even watch this fu--ing game in peace.  Fu--in' Michigan State - fu--in' up my brackets!  Hello?!
E Luv: Hello, may I please speak to -
Earl Solow: Look, you fu--ing as- hole - remove me from your list and don't ever call here again!
E Luv: Excuse me?!
Earl Solow: I didn't stutter - you stupid fu--.  This is harassment.  Put me on the do not call list or I'll call the police and sue your as-!


Verse 3 - E Luv
Now see that shi- was just uncalled for
Did you listen to the last song - now I gotta visit your home
And knock on the door with the bottom of my fu--in' boot
And knock on your family with a bat, plus put a bullet in you
Think I'm playin' - your personal information is right up on the screen
Real tough over the phone - kick the same shi- to my face in the streets
I'll bring it to your subdivision - see people don't expect that shi-
I do the unexpected with unyielding one-ups-man-ship, but I'm patient

Yet impatient because I can't leave this up to your god to fix
he fu--ed up in the first place by creatin' that son of a bitc-
It ain't about the disrespect - it's the principle of it
Let shi- slide, it slides indefinite - gotta make an example of him
Choke his fu--in' wife out for luving someone who would cross me
Kill his kin 'cause the apple don't fall that far from the family tree
The moral is civility - fu--in' wit' my means, I justified your end
Oh shi- - hol' up, sequencer just dialed up another prospect


Scene 3 - DJ VoiceCrack
Hello, yeah sure, I'd like to buy a CD.